TWO MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT

Alright mate, how are you?
Oh, you know. Can't complain.
Yeah? How's the kid?
It's her birthday today, actually!
Really? Is she out of nappies yet?
No, not yet.
Still sleeping in your room?
Sadly, yes.
Getting a proper night's sleep yet?
I'm afraid not.
Bet she costs a fortune in food and clothes and nappies.
Yes indeed.
And wakes you up really early?
Always.
Bet you never get five minutes to yourself.
Not often, no.
Messy beggars, kids.
Yes.
They demand all your attention and are always throwing tantrums.  And as for your missus...
Don't go there mate.
No, enough said, eh? Mind you, though...a lot of bother really, isn't it. Makes you think. All that money and time and commitment - all that grief, just for two minutes of fun with the missus.
Actually, you're wrong there.  
I am?
Yes. It was two and a half minutes.