As the smog lifted, an observer would have been able to see that the military convoy was still en route to Twaddle, Piffle and Shate, but that a small detour had been necessary so that Corporal Snodkins could purge himself in the woods.
Snodkins had been gone a full seven minutes, the soldiers were standing around smoking tabs beside their trucks and the Brigadier was visibly agitated, pacing this way and that.
"What is taking Snadkens so long?" he demanded, thumping the bonnet of his maid. His men mumbled, feigned interest in tyres and exhaust pipes and generally failed to meet their superior's eye. None of them wanted to be sent into the woods after Snodkins, for the Corporal's purges were the stuff of legend.
Another minute passed. The Brigadier was turning purple. "Rait, that's it, one of ass is going arfter 'im," the old fellow thundered. "We toss for it!"
His driver's eyes widened in alarm, but then the Brigadier pulled out a coin, although not without some effort. "Damned trizers..." he muttered, before tossing the coin, clapping it down on the back of one hand and holding out said hand to one of his privates - that is to say, a ginger fellow called Wiggins, not one of his unmentionables. "Rait! Sonic or tails?"
Wiggins gibbered. "Er...tails?"
"Wrong! Into the wads, nah!"
Wiggins trotted off into the woods and was back in a jiffy - that is to say, in a short time, not a branded contraceptive.
Standing to attention before the Brigadier, Wiggins saluted and declared, "Sah! Snodkins appears to be eggbound, sah!"
"Eggbound?" The Brigadier's eyes were practically golf balls by now. "Rait, Brahn! The Special Equipment!"
Private Brown appeared with The Special Equipment, although he seemed to have misplaced something and was patting his pockets. "Have you got the shoehorn, sah?" asked Brown.
"No, these damn trizers are just a bit tight!" the Brigadier replied. "Now, into the wads, Brahn, and don't cam back without Snadkens! Qui-eck maarch!"
Private Brown set off into the woods with The Special Equipment, which included a wrench, matches and other items which can't be mentioned owing to their being highly classified. However, whatever he did with that equipment worked. Within minutes all the birds in the trees fell silent. This was followed by an overpowering smell which left most of the soldiers wiping away tears and one or two of them writing farewell letters to their mothers. Finally, there was a terrific explosion and a mushroom cloud ballooned above the woods.
One of the soldiers turned to gaze towards Twaddle, Piffle and Shate. He shook his head and said, "Well. If they didn't know we were coming before, they certainly know now."
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