THE FRENCH WORD FOR 'TRUMP'

Charlie Squirrel has a bit of a wind problem.  Not a smelly, must-stand-outside-until-it-disperses sort of problem, but something a lot more serious.  You see, Charlie is only a small squirrel, and his farts are such that, whenever he lets one go, it literally launches him into the air like a rocket bound for the stars.
When the problem first developed, Charlie was young and loved the attention.  He would do things to make the other squirrels at school cry with laughter, like don his red underpants and pretend to be superman.  "IS IT A BIRD?" they would cry.  "IS IT A PLANE?  NO, IT'S A SQUIRREL IN TIGHTS WITH CHRONIC FLATULENCE!"
But as he got older, the problem became less easy to control, as these things always do.  The first time Charlie realised he was losing the ability to control his farts was on the night that Marjorie asked him for a kiss.  He had done everything right, wined and dined her - all charm and sophistication.  But then as Charlie puckered up and leaned in to seal the deal, he had accidentally cracked one off and found himself cutting through the atmosphere like an exocet missile.  Marjorie had been less than impressed when he landed upside down, legs splayed, in a dirty old bath.  Charlie had quickly tried to remedy the situation by jumping up, laying down a second botty cough and riding the bath at high speed down the hillside, but unfortunately Marjorie had seen that episode of Last Of The Summer Wine and hadn't been impressed the first time either.
Charlie Squirrel has tried everything to curb his wind problem - change his diet, take more exercise, have surgery - all to no avail.  He even bought a cork, but all that did was add a comic "popping" sound whenever his bottom whistled for a cab.  Once, some time ago now, Charlie became so distraught that he tried to end it all by throwing himself into the path of a Ford Focus.  Unfortunately - or perhaps fortunately - his bottom chose that moment to pat the Rottweiler and, before he knew what was going on, Charlie found himself spread-eagled on the windscreen of a light aircraft.  So, the only thing he managed to hurt was his pride.  
More recently, Charlie tried a new approach: tired of climbing one tree, only to gruff and find himself in a completely different tree, he curled his tail around a branch and tried hanging on really, really tightly.  When he finally farted, lo and behold, his plan worked: he didn't take off into the sky!  But instead he found himself spinning round the branch like some lightning-fast furry Catherine Wheel.  The ordeal only ended when his tail became so bedraggled that he could hang on no longer and he fell out of the tree on to the back of a rather surprised cow. 
So, the next time you spot a squirrel with a tail that looks rather the worse for wear, don't laugh.  Now you know the real reason why his tail is missing some of its fur.  Not funny, is it?
Charlie has not been able to hold down a regular job in years and has difficulty with long-term relationships.  But, all things considered, he's rather an affable fellow.  And on the plus side, his problem has now been officially recognised by the medical profession.  It has even been given a name: Trompette's Syndrome - trompette being the French word for trump.  Charlie was the subject of a BBC documentary not so long ago, too, which he had hoped would highlight the seriousness of the condition.  Sadly, there is a long way to go before people stop seeing it as a joke - just look at YouTube.  Insensitive comments made by the Prime Minister don't really help either.  
But you can help.  You have seen for yourself how this debilitating condition has affected Charlie.  Please, spread the word: Trompettes is not funny.  And if you see a squirrel crimping off a biscuit and shooting into the sky like a firework, don't laugh.  How about taking off your coat, or opening your bag, and trying to catch him?  Poor Charlie and his friends need all the help they can get.


If you have been affected in any way by Charlie's story, you can talk to one of our trained advisors in confidence.  Please leave a message in the comments box below and we will get back to you as soon as we can.