RETURN OF THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY

"I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!" thundered the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley, who had just appeared in the dental surgery.
"Really? Would you like to come through?" asked the dental nurse, as she ushered the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley into the consulting room.
Inside, the prophet was greeted by the dentist, who was smiling broadly and proffering his hand. "Hello!" said the dentist. "And you are?"
"I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!" roared the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
"Welcome, er, prophet." The dentist indicated a large chair in the centre of the room. "Please, do take a seat."
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley looked a little confused, but sat down anyway.
The dentist glanced at the paperwork in his hand, which said nothing more than 'new NHS patient'.
"Pott Shrigley - isn't that somewhere near Wigan?" the dentist asked, making conversation as he handed over the papers to the nurse and grabbed his stool.
"CHESHIRE!" bellowed the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
"Oh." The dentist noticed that his assistant, the nurse, looked like she wanted to visit her cousin in Malta rather urgently. Now perched on his stool, he began rolling towards the prophet. "So tell me...why do they call you that?"
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley looked beside himself. "BECAUSE I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!" he squawked.
"I meant the bit about the egg," the dentist muttered, but let it go. More loudly he added, "Now, lie back, relax and let's have a look in your mouth."
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley did not move. He looked shocked and deeply uncomfortable.
The dentist tried again. "Your teeth, sir. Can I take a look?"
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley jumped up out of the seat and declared, "I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!"
The dentist glanced at his assistant, who now had her back pressed to the door and was trying, as unobtrusively as possible, to locate something in the bottom of her bag.
"So you don't want me to look at your teeth?" The dentist had returned his gaze to the prophet, who was glaring back at him like he was something repugnant dragged up from the pit of hell.
"NO!"
"Then why are you here?" The dentist was confused.
"I AM HERE," the Great Egg Prophet spelt out slowly, as if to an idiot, "BECAUSE I WISH TO COMMENCE RELATIONS WITH YOUR DENTAL NURSE."
Silence fell. The dentist blinked, several times. "Right." He pulled a face, shifted uncomfortably on his stool, then met the prophet's gaze. "Tell me, sir. Presumably you - being a prophet and all - can predict the future?"
"YES!" replied the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley. He was making progress at last.
"And does your gift tell you what my assistant's response is going to be?"
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley thought for a moment.
"YES!" he suddenly declared, waggling a finger triumphantly in the air. "SHE WILL ATTACK ME FORTHWITH WITH HER PEPPER SPRAY!" he announced, turning as he did so to face the dental nurse, who was bearing down on him with a small aerosol can in her hand. 
And once again, The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley had predicted something which turned out to be completely and utterly accurate.

THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY

"I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!" thundered the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley, who had just appeared inside the entrance to the cafe.
The old lady at the nearest table put down her toast and marmalade, and smiled at him. "Really, dear? How lovely."
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley had not really counted on that sort of response, so he just glared a bit at the cafe's customers, who had all stopped eating and were staring open mouthed.
"Pott Shrigley," the old lady said, frowning. "Isn't that somewhere in Norfolk?"
"CHESHIRE!" bellowed the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
"And why do they call you that, dear?" asked the old lady, as she plopped a lump of sugar in her tea.
"BECAUSE I AM THE GREAT EGG PROPHET OF POTT SHRIGLEY!" roared the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
"No dear. I meant the bit about the egg," the old lady explained, but didn't get a response because the owner of the cafe, Samantha, had joined them and was brandishing a rolling pin rather menacingly.
"Is this idiot bothering you?" Samantha asked the old lady, without taking her eyes off the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
"Oh no, love, we were just having a little chat, weren't we dear?" the old lady replied, before picking up her cup and saucer and supping her tea. "Hmm. Lovely cuppa. Would you like one, dear?"
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley had no idea how to respond to such a question, so instead he repeated again, rather loudly, that he was the Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley.
The old lady put her cup and saucer down and smiled again at the fellow. "So, what sort of thing do you prophecy about?" she asked, genuinely interested.
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley glared down at her as if she were a buffoon. "THE FUTURE!" he shouted, as if that should have been entirely obvious.
"Really?" The old lady was excited now. "And what can you tell me?"
The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley slowly raised an arm and turned in order to point a long, trembling finger at Samantha. "THAT THIS MISERABLE BINT WILL HIT ME WITH HER ROLLING PIN AND CAST ME OUT INTO THE STREET, FROM WHENCE I CAME!"
And once again, The Great Egg Prophet of Pott Shrigley had predicted something which turned out to be completely and utterly accurate.